A Definition Of Erectile Dysfunction
You could define erectile dysfunction like this: being slow or completely unable to have an erection, despite receiving the level of sexual stimulation which would normally trigger it, and where the man has no control over this. In other words, the problem is not under your control. (Read more about the definition of erectile dysfunction here.)
No matter what the definition, if you have this problem you probably know about it. Lack of satisfaction, lack of pleasure, maybe conflict between you and your partner, and certainly not feeling great about yourself or the situation…..
Let’s look at some information about the causes of this male sexual problem, or as the docs would say, male sexual dyfunction.
Causes of ED
First things first: many men with erectile dysfunction think there must be a physical cause for this problem. Yes, possibly. Reduced blood flow to the penis. Various drugs, both prescribed and recreational, for various issues.
But often, no, it’s not caused by physical problems. Even if it feels that way, it’s not. There’s something else going on. Something to do with how aroused or excited you are during sex. You see, if you’re going to feel good sensations during sex, your mind has to be in the game too, as well as your penis.
The truth is that for lots of men, erection problems during sex with a partner are caused by emotional and psychological stuff. One of the commonest causes of difficulty getting an erection during intercourse is emotional stress, and more specifically anxiety or anger. Maybe you call your anxiety self-doubt, nervousness, fear, or some other name. But if you feel any anxiety yourself about having sex, making love, or being intimate with your partner, this may cause erectile dyfunction. So could being angry with your partner, or resentful in some way about your relationship and having sex with her.
You see, the thing is this: to solve erectile dysfunction you may need to be ruthlessly honest with yourself. And that might mean facing up to a few things that you’d prefer to keep buried. Like whether or not you feel anxious about making love or being intimate in your relationship. Or maybe you actually feel angry at your partner for some reason; maybe you have some doubts about the relationship; maybe you’re not sure you really want to be with this person.
And maybe none of that is true. In those cases, it can be helpful to look back to the experiences that a man had when he was growing up.
After all, not all of us have great experiences in our family or with other care-givers. Sometimes we’re made to feel ashamed about our sexual desires and urges. Sometimes our family makes it clear that sex is not to be talked about, or that it’s something to feel guilty about.
And plenty of times a guy is embarrassed or ashamed during or after his first sexual experiences, whether that’s masturbation, kissing, making love, or whatever.
That can seriously affect your ability to really relax into sex and enjoy it, and can stop you feeling “safe” enough, so that you develop an erection problem – you cannot get hard, or you only get partially hard, or you get hard and then lose your erection.
If you think about it, sexual arousal is a time and place where we “lose” control of our bodies and our minds, lose control of what we think, what we feel, how we look, and maybe even the noises we make. To do something so intimate as to make love with your partner, you have to feel safe with them.
Getting erect, reaching climax, coming, ejaculation, or having an orgasm, however you put it, really makes you vulnerable and emotionally open. For you, that might not feel safe. Certainly, most men would have to feel emotionally safe to be able to do that. Here is more on the subject of erectile dysfunction.
Solving Erectile Dysfunction
Think of it this way: in curing all sexual dysfunctions there are two ways to go. The first is to delve into the deep, dark origins down in the depths of your subconscious mind (which may not even be that deep or dark when you start digging), using the kind of process you’d have in therapy or counseling. Then you work out what’s causing your erection problems, and do some psychological work to put that right.
The second is to train the body to respond more quickly to sexual stimulation, to discover ways to reach the point of no return faster and easier (that’s the point where you know you’re going to ejaculate, come what may).
The third is most simple – to take Viagra or another pill such as Cialis, designed to promote your erection. So that’s about helping your body to respond to sexual stimulation, and you don’t have to do any of the deep psychological stuff.
I’m not denying that you might want to do the deep psychological stuff to work out what’s going on between you and your partner. You might not. It’s entirely up to you. The thing is you don’t have to do it.
But one of the reasons that you might want to have a go at teasing the deeper issues out is because it can lead to a deeper and better relationship with your partner.
But if you think your relationship is doing OK, then there’s no need. You can deal with the physical stuff instead, pure and simple, with the help of Viagra or Cialis.
Causes of erectile dysfunction – video
I won’t say more just here about the causes of erectile dysfunction because there’s loads of stuff in the book linked below which explains it all. However, because you’re here, and you’re exploring ways to deal with difficulties around erection, I’m guessing that what you actually want to do is cut to the chase and have a look at the treatment program.