Category Archives: Uncategorized

Putting It All Together

Making Creation Work

Some of the reason why manifestation doesn’t work include a lack of belief, a lack of emotional fuel to drive the process, and not taking action to move in the general direction of your intention.

Yet there is another factor here, less spoken about than the ones above, but which might actually be more important.

It’s about taking your own uniqueness into account when you’re trying to achieve an outcome.

One of the most popular pieces of advice that you hear and self-development circles these days is “Be Yourself”.

What exactly does this mean? It sounds like an easy thing to do, and yet the minute we start interacting with anyone else, most of us find our behavior changes, often in ways which we don’t understand and probably don’t like very much either.

In a situation like that, are you “being yourself”? Hardly. And so when you start manifesting reality, perhaps with some very specific objectives in mind, how do you know that your objectives are the ones that actually will be right for you?

In fact, do you even understand the relationship between the objectives you choose and your chances of success at getting them?

The simple answer is “No, you probably don’t.” Very few people understand themselves well enough to know what their deepest values are.

Manifest reality

To have a false motivation for manifestation will trip you up in one way or another. To take an obvious, perhaps somewhat commonplace example, think of lottery winners. Why do you think it is that 90% of them end up with nothing after a comparatively short period of time?

The simple answer, of course, is that their basic values and beliefs about themselves don’t accommodate the concept of great personal wealth. That’s probably the most common and obvious example of how intention and outcome can conflict, but it’s one of millions upon millions more.


The simple and somewhat awkward truth is that if you’re trying to manifest anything which doesn’t match your basic beliefs and values about yourself and about the world, you’re not likely to be very successful.

One obvious way of looking at this is to say that there are infinite possibilities open to you in the future, but very few of them are likely to manifest, no matter how hard you try.

This is because they simply aren’t in line with your basic beliefs and values.

In other words, the probabilities that are open to you in the future are most likely limited by your experience up to this point.

Let’s pin this down to a specific example. It’s possible, but extremely unlikely, that you might become the next Hillary Clinton, Richard Branson, or Bill Gates. The probability is against it. You know that as well as I do. For one thing, if you are going to be any of those people, you wouldn’t be reading this book, you’d be living that reality.

Yes, we all have free will, and one of the great gifts we have is to choose a path for the future which matches up to our unique talents and abilities. And by following such a path, you increase the probability of your success at manifestation hugely.

This is about honouring your own skills, abilities, and in fact to put it another way, honouring your “extraordinary uniqueness”. (Thanks to Mike Dooley for this beautiful expression!)

By honoring your own extraordinary uniqueness, you open up many more opportunities for manifesting your reality. And the longer you live in accordance with your own values, beliefs, abilities and aptitudes, the easier life becomes.

Moreover, life becomes much more fulfilling, and the opportunities open to you within your particular realm of experience and ability open out enormously.

Life is never challenge-free; I think that such a state of being only exists among extremely enlightened people. But when you follow your own path, which basically means following your own heart, what you do have is much greater access to the kind of opportunities which would not otherwise arise. The kind of opportunities that are right for you.

Video: Mastering the art of co-creation

So does that imply we are all limited in some way? And is that view compatible with the view that we are all a part of the divine?

Well, listen up! First of all, we are indeed all a unique manifestation of the divine. Let me make that clear, right now.

But that doesn’t mean that we are all the same. We all have different skills and abilities, we all have different interests. And we most certainly have different values.

For example, if you like to be around and in connection with other people, then it seems natural to assume that manifesting a job which will allow you to work with people in some way is going to suit you better than manifesting a job where you’re isolated or perhaps working with machinery all day long.

Equally, if you have a particularly creative nature, then it’s most likely that finding a lucrative job working in the Arts is going to suit you a lot better than any job in an accountancy practice, no matter how lucrative.

Of course you still have the question of what branch of the Arts you’re going to work in, and what role you’re going take, but you’re basically on a path that is in line with your basic nature and values and beliefs.

And it follows also that if your basic motivation is to help people, then working in a job where you can actually be of service to others in some way is going to be more rewarding for you than working in a more directive or autocratic environment.

Continued here

Emotional Process Work

Becoming Who You Were Always Meant To Be

Look at the meaning of shadow here before you read this article.

There are some clear signs that you’re dealing with shadow energies in your life:

First, once upon a time you made a choice not to be a certain way in the world. You did this for a very good reason, usually concerned with maintaining “safety” in your family or some other highly charged setting like boarding school. That safety may have been emotional, physical or spiritual.

Second, consciously or unconsciously, you put your unwanted thoughts, feelings and behaviour into your shadow bag. (See what that means here: healing the shadow.)

Third, you find this energy sometimes bursts out, uncontrollably and unexpectedly. Often it looks different to when it went into your shadow bag.

Fourth, when it does burst out, it feels as if the energy is in control of you. It may even feel as if it has no connection with you. (“Where did that come from?”)

Which all adds up to this: an energy goes into shadow, it grows, and later in life you find yourself in a situation – as you surely will – which mirrors the original situation in your childhood in some way.

And then, you’ll find yourself behaving in a way you don’t want to behave, doing what you don’t want to do, and saying things you don’t want to say. All apparently without any control.

This is the power of shadow. The personal power held in your shadow bag. The magnificence held in your shadow bag. The truth of who you are, held in your shadow bag.

Shadow makes you find yourself shouting at your children, your wife or your girlfriend, or thinking awful thoughts about hitting your children (or even doing it).  You might be cowering in front of a dominant boss, allowing people to walk all over you, not speaking up when you need to….. and a million and one other unhelpful things.

How to heal your emotional weaknesses (or lack)

In either a group workshop or a one-to-one setting you can dive deep into the causes of these behaviours and explore and understand them, before you literally embody a different way of being in the world: a more authentic, genuine and balanced way of being. A way of being which reflects who you really are.

Video – how to “do” shadow work

Video – what are archetypes?

Men who work on their shadow in this way discover that when they’re in a provocative or triggering situation they now have more control over how they respond. Now, they can consciously choose how to respond to situations and events which would previously have “triggered” them to react without thinking. They access their King and Warrior archetypes much more.

That’s the difference – in the past you would have just reacted without much control as shadowy energy burst, maybe even exploded, out of you, most likely leaving you feeling bad afterwards.

When you’ve worked on your shadow, you’ll find you can choose how to respond, and you’ll develop mastery of your old behaviour patterns, which you can consciously change into something much more helpful for your life today.

Now, the significance of this is that when you are trying to manifest anything, the biggest limitations in the way of success are your shadows. You can consider the quality of this as follows: your shadows, out of sight, out of mind, will control what you believe about yourself, and this (unconsciously) will determine what you manifest in the world.

But when you change your shadow, you change what you believe about yourself, and then things really begin to happen. You can change your shadow by attending an emotional process work or shadow workshop. Or you can attend a shadow work training course.

What’s most amazing is that the entire panoply of human experience can be looked at in shadow work.

And in Healing The Shadow, our facilitation techniques allow you to work on an emotional issue without having to explain the historical details, if that’s better for you. We have techniques which can help with all kinds of abuse where you may not wish to reveal the details of what happened to you.

These workshops are also an effective way to develop the power of an archetype if you don’t have enough strength in that area.

Suppose you want to strengthen your Warrior so you can set boundaries with people – which might mean finding more effective ways to say a clear “No” or a definite “Yes”. You can start by finding out how and why (and by whom) the power to set boundaries was taken away from you. Then you can develop your ability to set boundaries in the workshop.

Or suppose your issue is not feeling good enough. This is the wound of the King.

You might start exploring this, and discover that you came to believe you were not good enough because your father never praised you, or was never satisfied with your achievements.

So you might set up a dynamic where you receive blessing and approval from the ideal loving father you never had. This is a profound process, for the part of you still looking out for Dad’s love and approval will accept it eagerly. What happens then? Your sense of self-worth and self-esteem will immediately rise, and your beliefs about yourself will change so that suddenly you know, with a certainty you’ve never experienced before, that you are indeed worthy of praise, attention, and love.

Just one more example: if you’re having difficulties in your relationship with a loved one, you could go a long way to resolving the situation with a piece of work in which you explore the roots of your current beliefs, feelings and behaviour. This insight and understanding will then let you embody a different way of reacting and responding to what happens in your relationships today. This is healing the wound of the lover.

As I suggested before, in emotional process work, when you’re working on healing your shadow, you embrace what has been repressed and denied. You embrace it, you bring it into your conscious awareness, and you discover how to control it as servant rather than master. And it works! Big time! In fact, in over twenty years of working in the world of therapy, I have never seen a more powerful and effective system of personal growth and development.

But there’s more to these workshops than resolving emotional issues from your past, important though that is.

You can also enhance and develop the energies which are a bit lacking in you. For example, if you’re out of touch with any of your emotions, you can find ways of accessing those emotions and experiencing them fully.

If you aren’t sure how to set boundaries with somebody, or you don’t know how to express your needs, wishes and desires, you can discover ways to do this in our safe workshop space or in one to one work with a skilled facilitator.

If you can’t understand why your life seems limited in some ways, or you can’t find ways to get what you want, you can explore the energy that’s holding you back. Often the limiting factor is a strategy designed by your Magician archetype and intended to keep you safe during childhood. Sure, that may have served you well in the past, but today – well, it’s not so useful!

Ways of being in the world which you learned when you were five or seven or ten years old need to be updated so you can transform the energy into something much more useful for you in your current life today. Together, we can find ways to encourage the part of you that’s dedicated to keeping you safe to turn his attention to doing something much more relevant and helpful for you in your life as an adult man.

Video – healing archetypal wounds

As you see, emotional process work is versatile and offers almost unlimited possibilities for change, but through it all runs a single theme: it will help you become the person you were always meant to be, before the world got in the way.

If you’re interested in trying an emotional process workshop, please check out Warrior Magician Lover King by Rod Boothroyd

What Is Your Vision?

Does Your Vision Include Financial Rewards?

Even when they’ve found their passion and purpose, many people cannot imagine making a living doing what they love to do. But really, why is this? Simply because you have a liming belief which tells you it’s not possible? (We’ve examined the connection between limiting beliefs, lack of achievement, and ways to deal with injunctions and shadow belief systems elsewhere.) 

For example, you love to go sailing but you don’t think this could provide you with a living? Is this real, or a limitation due to a lack of vision and imagination on your part? Or is it the product of some deep shadow belief you hold in your subconscious mind?

Truth is, my friend Colin Masterson loves to go sailing, and he’s made a very good living for many years skippering mega-yachts for the rich men and women who love a life on the ocean wave.

My friend Alan Jackson is passionate about photography. He’s now making a very good living selling beautiful landscape prints and greeting cards. He also is commissioned by publishers to take spectacular photographs of the most dramatic and inspiring beauty spots throughout the world. Not only does he get to enjoy his passion of photography, but he also gets to travel around the world doing it! And his bank balance reflects the skill and esteem he’s achieved in his particular profession.

Sir Ian McKellen always loved to act. After developing his skills in the theatre, at the age of 50 he turned to movies. Then, in his 70s, he was offered defining parts in some of the biggest movies of all time. (Gandalf, in The Hobbit Trilogy, in particular.)

These people definitely have passion and purpose. You may say they have outstanding skills too. Sure, but they learned those skills somewhere, just like you can.

Jesse Heiman is a portly redhead with a degree in English who loves acting. He’s made around 60 appearances in mainstream movies and big-hit television shows. In his short acting career, he’s appeared alongside stars such as Leonardo Di Caprio and Kisten Dunst. You’d never take Jesse for a star but casting directors seem to have many roles which suit him. And if he can fulfil his aspirations in this way, so can you.

My friend Jan Day is a woman who loves to help people build better relationships. She’s making a decent living because she has passion and purpose about running workshops in which she shows people exactly how they can establish greater intimacy and enjoy truly rewarding emotional and sexual relationships.

And my colleague Marianne Hill loves to help people explore their shadow and achieve their full potential. She has developed her skills to the point where she is now running a highly respected training course for shadow work facilitators. She is making a very good living doing exactly what she loves: running run workshops in which people can find their deepest truths, heal their deepest wounds, and explore how they can bring all of themselves into the world for everybody’s benefit.

If these people can do it, so can you! 

Your Vision Doesn’t Need A Road Map To Go With It

 A lot of people working on their vision start getting wrapped up in concerns about how they are going to make it into a reality. But at this stage you don’t need to worry about how this is going to happen. Once you’ve formed a clear vision and you’ve “programmed” that into your mind, a mysterious energy will take over.

This is the energy of the universe, which wants to support you. Soon you will soon find yourself enjoying all kinds of unexpected coincidences, synchronicities. There will be many moments of good luck, good fortune and opportunities that will speed you on your way. This is The Law Of Attraction at work.

We’ll talk more about The Law of Attraction later. For the moment all you have to do is work on creating a vision of your future.

One good way to form your vision is to create a detailed picture, image, visualisation or description of how your ideal life would look like you’ve achieved it. This is what you’re going to do now.

Of course your vision can change as time goes by, so a great idea is to revisit your vision every few months. This is your starting point, and you have seven major areas to think about.

1 A Healthy Approach To Wealth and Material Goods

The first area to focus on is your financial vision. Here you can determine exactly what annual income you require, how much you wish to have in savings and investments, how you’re making provision for your retirement, and other financial safeguards such as ensuring you have insurance for your family.

This might be the first test of your ability to believe in your vision. Suppose you want a multi-million dollar investment fund for your retirement. You could easily sabotage yourself by choosing to decide that this just isn’t possible.

Remember, though, at this stage you’re not concerned with how your wealth is going to come to you, or whether you’re making enough money to build such a fund. For now, all you do is simply create your vision of what you want, imagining your ideal picture of your life as it is in the future. This is the time to create a detailed GPS destination for your brain to work on.

If you don’t know where you’re going, you’ll never get there.

But if you do know where you want to go, you can start the journey right here, right now.

Another important aspect of your vision around wealth is what you do with your money. Do you support charitable enterprises or good causes, do you support your friends or family? Is your money being used to support a particular interest of yours such as health promotion, helping people develop greater vitality and well-being, promoting sustainability – or something else which benefits humanity?

2 Home & Material Possessions

You need a vision of your future home, including its size, its location and the type of furnishings you are enjoying. You might also want to visualise the type of car you’re driving, the kind of possessions you enjoy owning, and anything else which seems relevant to the physical structure of your ideal life.

3 Purpose and Mission

 The second area to focus on is your life’s work. We’ve already talked in this book about soul purpose – aka life mission – and right livelihood – aka your ideal occupation.

Now it’s time for you to crystallise the vision of your ideal job or occupation. Where are you working and what are you doing? Do you have a clear image of your co-workers, clients and business associates? Are you running your own business or are you working as an employee in a company? If so, what kind of company is it, and what position do you occupy?

Let your imagination run free here, because as we saw in Chapter 1, your job needs to be something which feeds your soul.

In short, what do you do which serves both yourself and the world?

Continued here


How To Be A King In A Child’s World

How can I become a good father when my own father was absent or negligent?

Becoming a good father when you didn’t have a positive role model in your own father can be challenging, but it’s definitely possible with commitment, self-awareness, and the willingness to learn and grow. Here are some steps to help you become a good father:

Self-awareness: Recognize the impact of your own experiences with your absent or negligent father. Understand how this might influence your own parenting style and be aware of any potential pitfalls.

Seek role models: Look for positive father figures in your life, whether it’s a mentor, friend, or even through books and resources. Observe their actions and learn from their positive parenting techniques.

Educate yourself: Read books, take parenting classes, and attend workshops or support groups. The more you learn about effective parenting strategies, child development, and communication skills, the better equipped you’ll be to be a good father.

Set realistic expectations: Understand that no one is a perfect parent. Give yourself permission to make mistakes and learn from them. Be patient with yourself as you work on improving your parenting skills.

Build a strong support system: Surround yourself with people who can offer emotional support and guidance as you navigate fatherhood. This might include family, friends, or support groups for fathers.

Communicate with your children: Open and honest communication is key to building a strong relationship with your children. Encourage them to express their thoughts and feelings and listen attentively to what they have to say.

Spend quality time together: Allocate time to engage in activities with your children that promote bonding and create lasting memories. Quality time can be more valuable than quantity.

Show love and affection: Express your love and affection to your children regularly. Hugs, kind words, and acts of love can make a big difference in their emotional development.

Be a positive role model: Demonstrate the values and behaviors you want your children to adopt. Children often learn more from what they see you do than from what you say.

Provide stability and consistency: Children thrive in an environment that is predictable and safe. Establish routines and rules that provide structure and help them feel secure.

Take care of yourself: Ensure you are physically and emotionally healthy. When you take care of yourself, you’re better equipped to be a good father.

Seek professional help if needed: If you find that your own past experiences or struggles are negatively affecting your parenting, don’t hesitate to seek counseling or therapy. A mental health professional can help you work through your issues and develop healthier parenting strategies.

Remember that being a good father is an ongoing process, and it’s okay to ask for help and continually improve your parenting skills. The fact that you are aware of your past and want to be a better father is a significant step in the right direction. Your dedication and love for your children will guide you in becoming the father you want to be.


Would working on stregthening my King archetype be helpful in this process?

Strengthening your King archetype, as described in some psychological and mythological frameworks, can indeed be a helpful aspect of the process of becoming a good father. The King archetype represents qualities like wisdom, leadership, responsibility, and providing guidance and protection, which are valuable in effective parenting. Here’s how you can work on strengthening your King archetype as a father:

Self-Reflection: Start by reflecting on what it means to you to be a “king” or a leader within your family. What values and principles do you want to embody as a father?

Set a Positive Example: As a father, you can set a positive example for your children by demonstrating the values and behaviors you want them to adopt. This includes qualities like honesty, integrity, and empathy.

Provide Guidance: Offer guidance and mentorship to your children. Help them understand right from wrong and make good decisions. Be a source of wisdom when they seek advice.

Responsibility: Take responsibility for the well-being of your family. Ensure their physical, emotional, and financial needs are met to the best of your ability.

Create a Stable Environment: The King archetype often involves creating stability and safety for your family. This can be achieved by maintaining routines and consistent rules that provide a sense of security for your children.

Protect and Provide: Protect your family from physical and emotional harm, and provide for their needs. This doesn’t just mean financial support but also emotional support and care.

Balanced Authority: The King archetype is not about authoritarian rule but about balanced authority. It’s important to combine your guidance and rules with love, understanding, and respect for your children’s autonomy.

Mentorship: Act as a mentor and role model for your children, teaching them life skills, values, and principles.

Embrace Wisdom: Continuously seek knowledge and wisdom, as the King archetype embodies a sense of wisdom and growth. Share the lessons you’ve learned with your children.

Balance: Balance your responsibilities as a father with self-care. A strong King archetype doesn’t neglect self-care, as it’s essential for maintaining your own well-being and, in turn, being a better father.

Remember that the King archetype, like any psychological archetype, is a symbolic framework for understanding and developing certain qualities. It’s essential to incorporate these qualities into your parenting style in a way that is authentic to your personality and your unique family dynamics. As you work on strengthening your King archetype, be flexible and adaptive to the specific needs of your children and family.

Is advice for men with erectile dysfunction from AI resources any use?

Consider using AI to get information about your Erectile Dysfunction

AI can offer useful information to individuals experiencing erectile dysfunction (ED). AI-powered systems can provide information, guidance, and support in several ways:

Informational resources: AI can provide accurate and up-to-date information about erectile dysfunction, its causes, risk factors, and available treatments. It can explain the physical and psychological factors that contribute to ED and help individuals understand their condition better.

Personalized advice: AI can offer personalized recommendations based on an individual’s health history, lifestyle, and preferences. It can suggest lifestyle changes, such as diet and exercise, and recommend specific medical treatments based on the severity and underlying causes of ED.

Telemedicine and virtual consultations: AI-powered platforms can facilitate telehealth consultations with healthcare providers, allowing individuals to discuss their ED symptoms and receive expert guidance remotely. These virtual consultations can be more convenient and less intimidating for some individuals.

Monitoring and reminders: AI can help individuals with ED by providing medication reminders, tracking progress, and offering motivational messages. Consistency in treatment is essential for managing ED, and AI can help individuals stay on track.

Mental health support: ED often has psychological components, such as anxiety and stress. AI can offer resources and coping strategies to address the emotional aspects of ED, or it can connect individuals with mental health professionals for support.

Research and clinical trials: AI can provide information about ongoing clinical trials and research related to ED, giving individuals the opportunity to explore experimental treatments or therapies.

Anonymity and privacy: Many people may feel embarrassed or uncomfortable discussing their ED with a healthcare provider. AI-powered systems can provide a level of anonymity, making it easier for individuals to seek information and support.

It’s important to note that while AI can be a valuable resource, it should not replace the advice and guidance of a qualified healthcare professional. AI can complement traditional healthcare by offering information and support, but a healthcare provider’s evaluation and diagnosis are essential for managing and treating medical conditions like erectile dysfunction effectively.

A general guide to the treatment of erectile dysfunction (ED) produced by AI.

Keep in mind that treatment approaches can vary depending on the underlying causes and individual factors. It’s crucial to consult a healthcare professional for a personalized treatment plan.

Lifestyle Changes

  • Diet: Maintain a healthy diet that is low in saturated fats and includes plenty of fruits, vegetables, and whole grains.
  • Exercise: Engage in regular physical activity to improve overall cardiovascular health.
  • Weight Management: Achieve and maintain a healthy body weight, as obesity can contribute to ED.
  • Smoking Cessation: Quit smoking, as smoking is a risk factor for ED.
    Limit Alcohol and Drug Use: Excessive alcohol and drug use can contribute to ED.

Psychological Counseling

If stress, anxiety, or depression is a contributing factor, consider seeking psychological counseling or therapy.


  • Oral Medications: PDE5 inhibitors like sildenafil (Viagra), tadalafil (Cialis), vardenafil (Levitra), and avanafil (Stendra) can help increase blood flow to the penis. These medications require a prescription and should be taken under medical supervision.
  • Testosterone Replacement Therapy: If low testosterone levels are contributing to ED, hormone replacement therapy may be considered.

Vacuum Erection Devices

A vacuum erection device (VED) is a non-invasive option that helps draw blood into the penis to create an erection.

Lifestyle Assistance

Some individuals may benefit from the use of aids like penile rings or constriction bands, which help maintain an erection. Psychological support, such as sex therapy, may also be beneficial to address any emotional or relationship issues related to ED.

Investigate Underlying Causes

ED can be a symptom of underlying medical conditions such as diabetes, high blood pressure, or cardiovascular disease. Treating these conditions may help alleviate ED.

Clinical Trials and Experimental Treatments

In some cases, participation in clinical trials or experimental treatments may be an option. Consult with a healthcare provider for information about ongoing research and trials. It’s crucial to discuss your symptoms and treatment options with a healthcare professional who can provide a thorough evaluation and recommend the most suitable approach based on your specific circumstances. Remember that ED is a treatable condition, and many individuals experience improvements in their sexual function with the right treatment.


Overcoming Delayed Ejaculation

The psychological causes of delayed ejaculation

First of all, there is anxiety or fear of various kinds. This is generally the cause of delayed ejaculation in young men. Failure to ejaculate during intercourse is a tremendous threat to his male concept of masculinity in general and his own self-esteem in particular. He gets so anxious about it that he loses what little ejaculatory control he may have had in the first place.

The main factor that will resolve his anxiety is his self-acknowledgment that he is inexperienced in sexual techniques. If he can convince himself that when he has had more practice he will be all right, more often than not the anxiety is removed and he learns to ejaculate normally.

But many men do not seem to have this faith in themselves, and so they are dragged into the bad old vicious circle: the fear of not staisfying their partner makes it difficult for them to ejaculate.

In his eagerness to satisfy her, he gets so anxious that any psychological control of ejaculation he might have possessed is weakened to the point of being non-existent. If only, instead of trying, he would remain calm, forget about his problem, make love to his girl and go into her when she is ready, he could time his orgasm and so progress to full control.

Other anxieties include fear of catching STD – this can be the cause in young men who shop around for their sex. The answer here is to use condoms. Once, however, they have got into the habit of ejaculating slowly, they have put themselves on a cycle of negative reinforcement and will have difficulty in changing this, even after they have a long term relationship and the reason for their fear no longer exists.

Another cause is just plain fear, sparked off by, of all people, the partner. The prospect of a good session of sex may be unconsciusly fearful. Then, all psychological control is lost and the sexual nervous system becomes paralyzed.

If it’s with a regular partner, she will more likely than not be equally excited, and may be critical. Such criticism can cause fear and anxiety about letting down his partner which may not be shrugged off so lightly.

If the man is young and hasn’t the experience to ignore her criticism and to laugh off his failure with, ‘There’s always the next time,’ when the next time comes he will be apprehensive about failing again, and ten to one his apprehension will cause delayed ejaculation. The second failure causes him to panic, and sets him going round in the vicious circle.

Video – delayed ejaculation

There are other causes of anxiety, and they all produce the same pattern of delayed ejaculation. 

Anger or resentment against or desire to “punish” the partner is aother cause of delayed ejaculation. Psychologically, usually the resentment or the desire is  subconscious, but it’s real enough to cause havoc in the sex-life of the couple.  There are several causes of such resentment, one of which is the man’s assessment of his partner’s sexuality and sex-drive being stronger than his own.

Or he may find that the relationship isn’t all he thought it was going to be. He may resent being tied in a disappointing relationship. He may put the blame on his partner, never on himself. He decides either consciously or subconsciously to punish her by not ejaculating during intercourse. This may not be obvious even to the man himself.

Or he may be jealous of one or more of her attributes which may have no connection whatsoever with their sex-life. He can show his resentment or desire to punish in one of two ways. Either he can ejaculate rapidly and prevent her from obtaining sexual satisfaction through intercourse; or he can so influence his sexual relations that he never ejaculates at all, however long he thrusts his penis in the vagina. This is the essence of delayed ejaculation.

The man who uses delayed ejaculation to demonstrate his resentment against or desire to punish his partner is placing all the blame for his not being able to ejaculate onto her.

The Impact of Delayed Ejaculation

Men with delayed ejaculation get a very stiff erection which they can keep up for three-quarters of an hour or more. But even if he keeps up constant penis movement in the vagina all this time, or allows his partner to masturbate or fellate him, he cannot reach orgasm.

The tension is there all the time, and creates more frustration than any other form of orgasm impairment. Most men with delayed ejaculation have some  resentment or desire to punish. They do this by maintaining penis-vagina contact or partner masturbation or fellatio for half-an-hour or more. After this, in desperation, they withdraw and masturbate themselves, when they will invariably come off within a minute.

By doing this they are, in effect, saying to their partners, ‘You see, it must be your fault!’ He is making his partner the victim of his own emotional conflict.

What can be done about delayed ejaculation?

It is important that men should know one of the basic sex-facts of life, namely, the average man who does not try to control his progress towards orgasm and who has not been manually or orally stimulated by his partner, will reach orgasm in two or three minutes if he starts to masturbate the very moment his penis has reached full erection, or if he puts his penis in the vagina immediately he has become fully erect. Any man who can maintain penis-vagina contact for two minutes without reaching orgasm and ejaculating does not really have a medical problem. However, if you wish to check out a self help treatment for delayed ejaculation, you can find one here.

A swinging movement of the penis in the vagina is just as stimulating for the woman as a thrusting movement is. The man who has taught himself to swing, and has also learned a little psychological control, should be able to keep up the swinging movements for five or ten minutes. Only when his partner tells him she is getting near orgasm, or after she has come, he can bring himself off literally in seconds of changing from swinging to thrusting and tensing his pelvic and buttock muscles.

Almost without exception, men with delayed ejaculation have been ‘cured’ by learning to swing. Even in cases of psychologically-induced delayed ejaculation, in which resentment or other emotional issues are the basic cause, ejaculation can be promoted by swinging.

That said, some men with psychologically induced delayed ejaculation are best treated by psychotherapy which aims at uncovering and removing the psychological ‘block’.

Treatment of delayed ejaculation

Recently doctors have been experimenting with a fair measure of success along predominantly psychological treatment directed at explanation, education, reassurance, support and developing and maintaining motivation.

This form of treatment involves both partners, and without the woman’s full co-operation cannot be carried out.

She joins the same psychological program as the man, but it is she who plays the major role in the restoration of the man’s normal ability to ejaculate. This treatment involves the woman inducing full erection in the man, and then masturbating him with her hand until he is almost at the threshold of the point-of-no-return.

At this point, he tells her to stop; whereupon she presses the point in her partner’s perineum which stops him ejaculating while she counts a slow five. By five the man’s imminent-orgasm sensations will have faded away.

She then masturbates him again until he tells her to stop, when she repeats the squeezing. In one training session this is carried out for four or five times.

After a number of sessions of this treatment, the man can last a little longer than before the treatment. The next stage is then begun. In this, the man lies on his back, and the woman kneels astride him, facing him, with her knees on or slightly below his nipple line, and bending forward at about 45 degrees. She then puts the tip of his penis inside her vaginal entrance, and slowly slides her vagina back on the penis.

She remains absolutely still until the man feels he may ejaculate. She then slips off his penis, takes hold of it and presses his perineum until the sensations have died away. The process is then repeated three or four times. This accustoms the man to  the feel of intravaginal containment, i.e. the sense of the penis in the vagina.

Several sessions of this procedure generally lengthen the time that the man can last during sex so that he can please his partner. When this has been achieved, the woman can introduce movement.

She should keep this up until the man is on the point of coming: then she stops moving, counts to five, withdraw, presses and waits. This further increases the man’s ejaculatory control, until he should be able to make love with the swinging technique for two or three minutes before ejaculating.

With new-found confidence, over a period, he should be able to control his progress to orgasm.